Sooo...

According to Great Grandma Metzger, I currently have one foot in the grave.

All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

Bob's excited. Me, well, excited is not exactly the word I would use. It's good, it's right, it's not at all a surprise. But, I'm not excited. More like vacillating between sheer terror and resignation.

I'm not naive about what this will require of me physically, spiritually, emotionally.

I don't even like babies... and yet, I'm less worried about that than other things. That will come.

Change is very stressful for me. New things are very stressful for me. Will I actually be able to handle it?

I like my privacy. And boundaries. And that's pretty much out the window... church was rather awful on Sunday (as much as I love and appreciate everybody who congratulated and encouraged me!). I still felt like I had to play a part and act like everyone expects me to. Put on a mask. I kind of just wanted to hide in the bathroom and cry and wish that no one knew and I could be left alone. I know I can't live under a rock, but oh, I wanted to Sunday.

I dread hearing the same crass, rude, and tasteless comments directed at me that make me cringe when they're said about others. 'Wow, she looks ready to pop.' 'She's really gotten huge.' (For the record, I will say something equally nasty back. or just cry. hm, yeah, probably just cry. :P ) I don't like people touching me. I'm told I have that to look forward to also.

I'm not planning on going back to work. It's been a while since I've been wholly dependant on somebody else. Bob has even said that I don't really need him... I have a good job... I can take care of myself. I don't think my identity is tied up in my job. I don't think, but how will I feel when it's gone? It's going to be an adjustment, and not an easy one.

I mourned college life, I mourned singleness, I'm mourning being a newlywed. I don't want to go back, but I've loved every stage and it will never be the same again.

I can't deal with gushing... and when people say they're soooo excited, I just kinda don't understand. What are you excited about? That I have to deal with all this? I know they're just thinking about the good, about how they'll get to hold a baby once in a while. But I have to deal with both the bad and the good, work through everything before and after, every day. And that's not really exciting or pleasant to think about.

Anyways, and in light of all that.... I'd rather have your prayers than your congratulations or excitement... much more useful. :) Don't worry, I'm really not unhappy. I'm quite content and peaceful. Just realistic. And I think too much.

And I don't want to hear any birthing stories! Spare me please! *grin*

When my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2

Happy Birthday

to Bob. Last Friday... he's so old now. :P

We didn't do anything super exciting. Thursday night we went out for pre-birthday pizza at Firehouse. Just because we like Firehouse and it never disappoints.

Friday was a quiet day. Ha! The carpet layers showed up at 6am to lay carpet next door. O.my.goodness. I was under the impression that carpet laying was rather passive... I was not aware that it involved hammering and loud thumps and banging and dropping of heavy objects and the shaking of floors and walls. Now I know. We only had one picture fall off the wall and it didn't break. :)

We took the day off with the idea that we could go do something fun with a long weekend... yeah... Bob couldn't really think of anything and it was his birthday so I didn't want to make him do something I wanted to do. So we didn't go anywhere. Oh well, I needed a day off since the next federal holiday isn't until Memorial day. *grin*

I picked up a whole freezer full of meat from the farm. Hooray! My freezer is full of raw flesh! They got a side of beef and a pig to split so it took awhile to haul it all in from the van and then sort it out. And Dan showed up in the middle of it all with fresh liver sausage. Which, I love and which thing Bob hates. tsk. So sad. No appreciation for the finer things in life.

And then I came home and cooked up a storm. Cake and frosting for Bob and an attempt at Chicken Lo Mein and Crab Rangoon. They were both good, but they didn't taste quite like at a restaurant. It was kind of fun to try it once, I don't like Chinese at all enough to try very often...

Saturday we went out to Bob's parent's and took a walk through the woods before supper. It was so pretty out. Bob wants to live in the woods someday... I prefer the prairie. I need to see the horizon or I feel claustrophobic... and I don't like ticks and bugs all the creatures that come with the woods. Anyway. It can be spring now, please.

Sunday... well... I'm not ready to talk about Sunday... And today it's back to work... huzzah. Blessings.

Book Fair

My favorite part of school... that and the Scholastic book orders. :)

I ate lunch with Dalaysia yesterday and they had the book fair all set up. It was fun to wander through and look at all the books. There were parents in charge, and one of their kids came through wanting to buy a book. So funny. The kid wanted to get a "Captain Underpants" book, the dad said he could only spend his money on a 'real' book. I shouldn't have laughed, but it amused me... It was pretty tempting to buy a book, but, alas, I refrained.

Dalaysia turned 10! She was excited about the cupcakes she brought to school, and the cake she got at home. And she like the singing card I got her. :)

Good times. I'm kind of sad that we can't be lunch buddies next year when she goes to middle school.

Blessings.

Busy Busy

So last week was fairly busy. I even skipped out on one thing because I didn't want to be gone 5 nights in a row. Thursday night I went to Gab and Brian's shower... hooray for showers. :P It was good to see them. And Natalie was there, which was exciting since I never see her anymore. And then I went home and got to do something fun- help fish wires! Kerry was working on putting our new water heater in and was getting really tired of going up and down through the 1'x2' crawlspace access. So I got to help feed the wires down through the wall, and managed to not electrocute myself.

Our potluck ate out at One World on Friday night. Such good food. I didn't try anything new or adventurous this time... and Bob wouldn't try any humus. *tsk* boys. It's been awhile since everybody could come to potluck, so that was great fun. And then we had to go home and break into our house because we locked ourselves out. It's a little bit scary how easy it is to do...

Saturday was pretty quiet. I cleaned. And tried to rid our upstairs of the musty smell that's been hanging around since we had the plumbing access panel open. Ugh. And then we went over to Mike and Katie's for supper with Trent and Heather and Ryan and Brittany. We played catch phrase and apples to apples... fun times.

My second cousin Amber got married in Congerville on Sunday, so we went there at noon. I haven't been there in ages. And Bob said he had never been there. (What? Seriously, sometimes, ok, all the time, I think Tremont is such a bubble! *grin*) It was good to be there again and see some of my old friends and classmates... and the wedding was nice too. And then we went home and crashed for the rest of the evening. Hooray for being lazy!

Blessings.

I love the smell of paint in the morning

Or not the smell of paint- we used no VOC, deodorizing paint. That stuff's pretty amazing; we could barely smell it!

Saturday morning I got up bright and early and went next door to help them paint. It's looking ten times better over there already. I love painting, and it was twice as fun because there was no furniture to move and no carpet to drip on. Glorious. Yes, I know I'm weird. I get it honest though... ask Mom what she did when Dad went to Haiti for a week... hehe. The girls that are moving in picked some really cool colors... made me want to repaint something, so it's probably a good thing that I got it out of my system.

Sprout was helping lay new wood laminate flooring in the kitchen- so pretty, and so easy! Bob is not convinced that we should try it on our side. :) Someday.

I was using a roller most of the day (and was covered with white spots from the ceiling and brown from the walls...) and woke up Sunday with very, very sore legs. It hurt so bad to sit down and to stand and to kneel in church. Woe is me. It is a good excuse to use the elevator at work though... hmm...

Otherwise it was a pretty quiet weekend. They're going to be installing a new water heater in the closet under our stairs so I had to clean that out. And find new places to put things. Yikes. I found some wedding gifts that I had forgotten about, which was exciting, but they might have to go away. Since I haven't used them in two years, they clearly aren't necessary for life and I have no where to put them. And I have no idea where to put our luggage which fit perfectly all the way at the back under the bottom steps. *sigh* How can our house be so full already!?

Anyway. Fun times.
Blessings.

Green

And not for St Patrick's day... green for growing things! Last night some ladies (and men!) from church did a presentation called "Harvest of Gold." It was all about gardens and orchards and canning and freezing. Seriously, so great. I felt like I was back in Hort 106, only this was ten times more fun.

We learned all about when to plant vegetables, and how to prune fruit trees, and how to take care of tomatoes, and store produce.... and then they did canning and freezing demonstrations. I loved it. I'd never seen a pressure canner in use before, so that was interesting. I still don't think I'll ever use one, I'm afraid of pressure no matter how many safety features they have... I hate having to do pressurized reactions at work, scares me half to death.

So now I have my very own Ball Blue Book. It's actually kind of sad how excited I am/ was about all of this... Maybe it's just because it's March and I'm ready for spring and for things to be nice and green again, because when I'm doing green beans at 10pm in July I'm sure my enthusiasm will not be quite so high. *grin*

Blessings.

In the ghetto...

...in the ghettoooo..... haha... I blame my parents for all of the random 70's songs that I know.... anyway, hooray for feeling like we're living in the ghetto. Our next door neighbor moved out. She had two dogs that were home alone in the house all day while she was at work... yeah... unsupervised animals in the house... bad idea. Anyway, our favorite landlords have been hard at work cleaning up that side.

She left a lot of stuff. And see all those rolls of carpet and carpet pad? They reek. Kerry and Rustin spent most of Saturday morning scraping unglued carpet pad off the floors.... because they were saturated with animal urine. Ugh. SO nasty.

And then, to add insult to injury, while they were working on Saturday they discovered that the boiler for the radiators is kaput. (We had noticed that our upstairs was noticeably colder than downstairs, defying the laws of thermodynamics...) Bob and I have decided, K and K probably have too, that whoever designed and built the duplex had to have been on crack. The boiler is in the 4ft crawlspace under the house. There are only two small openings big enough for one person to get down there. They had to have built the house around it, which means replacing or repairing it is going to be awful. We have resolved never to own rental property...

On a cheerier note, a few of my crocus bulbs have survived the proliferation of rodents in our yard. I love spring.

So other than waking up to the sounds of carpet removal and various other loud crashes and thumping, Saturday was a pretty quiet day. Bob decided to dissect my old laptop...

He was having way too much fun.

Jakey came over for a little bit to play games with Bob.

Sunday morning came waaay to early. Besides the time change, Bob's parents served lunch at church and we went early to help. *ugh* I hate time changes and early mornings. It was a good thing I was working or I probably would have fallen asleep. :) At least we got to bring home leftovers... yay for donuts.

Blessings.

My goal in life

Not to be a superfluous women. :) This is from Jo's Boy's:

One day a brisk discussion arose concerning careers for women. Mrs. Jo had read something on the subject and asked each of the dozen girls sitting about the room, what she intended to do on leaving college. The answers were as usual: "I shall teach, help mother, study medicine, art," etc.; but nearly all ended with: "Till I marry."
"But if you don't marry, what then?" asked Mrs. Jo, feeling like a girl again as she listened to the answers, and watched the thoughtful, gay, or eager faces.
"Be old maids, I suppose. Horrid, but inevitable, since there are so many superfluous women," answered a lively lass, too pretty to fear single blessedness unless she chose it.
"It is well to consider that fact, and fit yourselves to be useful, not superfluous women. That class, by the way, is largely made up of widows, I find; so don't consider it a slur on maidenhood."

*grin* I love Louisa May Alcott.

happiness

Nothing makes the hard work of last summer more worth it than biting into a sweet, juicy, canned peach on a drizzly, dreary, March day. Pure. Heaven.

The Old Folks at Home

Friday night was the annual Koch soup supper. Lots of good food and pies. They usually have some games to play and Bob and I won the trivia game. It was a list of twenty American authors and we had to match them up with their famous work and with their picture. We got all the books easily, but the pictures.... yikes. We guessed a lot. There's really no way to tell the difference between two bearded old men dressed circa 1850's, it could easily be Whitman or Melville or Emerson. Emily Dickinson was more obviously the young, pensive looking one... and Poe's picture is just iconic. Go us.

We switched our phone/internet provider and we had to be up bright and early on Saturday to let the technician in. I guess it was worth not sleeping in, it's cheaper and so far it's faster even when both of us are online. And then I cleaned and was lazy all afternoon. We went to testimonies in the evening... always a blessing.

On Sunday, church was pretty full for the baptism. I waited a table... second shift... on the men's side.... yikes. :) Between filling glasses for boys that drained them as soon as I turned around, and finding sandwiches, and clearing, Candi and I were running like crazy. Fun fun. I just loove waiting tables. :) It's good for me, right?

My mom's birthday was yesterday so we went over there for the evening. And we went to Busy Corner for supper. I haven't been there in years, and I must say I haven't really missed it. haha... it's good food, but I prefer a little bit more anonymity when dining out. Seriously, I went to HS with our waitress and we could have easily had a singing with the rest of the patrons... *grin* And my parents spent too much time in Florida because we heard a lot of "oh look, there's so and so." Sounded so much like G and G... hehe.

Oh, and we have a two week reprieve on the budget issue. I'm glad I'm still working, but seriously, pass a balanced budget already! Anyway.

Blessings.

Louisa May

So I spent some of my Christmas money on books, surprise, surprise. Louisa May Alcott books. I haven't read some of them in years, so it's been really fun to rediscover them. They're great. They've got a lot going for them:

Easy, fun reads? check.
Heavy dose of transcendentalism? check
Syrupy sweetness? check.
Little bit of early feminism? check.
Shameless plugs for Thoreau and Emerson? check and double check.
No prosy, moralistic children (*cough* Elsie Dinsmore *gag*)? check!

Gotta love 'em. Three cheers for the Age of Optimism! haha... and ACS. Anyway, they make me smile a lot. I've got Little Women, Little Men, Jo's Boys, Eight Cousins, Rose in Bloom, and An Old Fashioned Girl. I'm not quite done rereading, but I think my favorite is still Rose in Bloom. Or Little Men.... it's kind of hard to pick.

As for Elsie, o my goodness. Sorry in advance if you loved her. :) Somebody gave me the first four books when I was in middle school. I didn't like them then. I still don't like them now. (You can read them online on Google books) Besides being a completely unrealistic nine year old crybaby... she ends up marrying her dad's friend who's at least 18 years older than her. Eewww. No thank you. I'll stick with Louisa May.


Blessings.

breathe in

We had a busy weekend... and now I feel like I need a weekend to relax.

Friday evening we kind of invited ourselves along with Greg and Mary and Rustin and Sharon and kids. We went out to eat at Rizzi's, which was really good, and then we went to the Home Show for a little bit. I've never been before so it was kind of interesting to look around. And since we're renting we had a great excuse to just look at things and not listen to every vendor's spiel. *grin* I recognized a lot of people... apparently it was the place to be on Friday night.

We both sang at the funeral on Saturday morning so we had to get up extra early, ugh. But, it was a blessing to be there. And it's one thing that I can do at church, since so many things require time during the day when I'm at work. Although, I am dreading laundry this week... four white shirts... woe is me. hehe. After we sang, Bob really wanted to go to Firehouse Pizza for lunch. Then he made me play a computer racing game that made me feel very, very, dizzy and sick. It was awful. But I got over it. Poor Shelly was left all alone Saturday so she came over and played games and crashed on our couch for the night. Good times.

After church on Sunday we were all comfortable and relaxed and being lazy and Grandma K called... she had decided that Bob needed to come over right away and put his name on something (for someday when they don't need it anymore). Sooo... can't ignore a summons like that, so we went over and she walked us around pointing out plates and knickknacks that he could claim. We went home with a container of chicken salad and the promise of an old butter churn someday. *grin* And then we ate supper and went straight over to Bob's parent's for the rest of the evening. I was tired.

I'm kind of glad February is over, but not really looking forward to March. It's looking full already just with stuff on the church calendar, and then there are family things, aaahh.... deep breath.

Blessings.

politics

Soooo.... congress still hasn't passed a budget for 2010, and the current continuing resolution runs out March 4th at midnight. And they're on recess for President's day this week. (um... and people think gov't employees get lots of holidays...) Which means if they don't get their acts together and fast, there might be a full fledged government shut down as of 12:01am March 5th. And it would be illegal for me to go to work. And I and all of my fellow employees wouldn't get paid. And if it lasted more than a few days we're hearing we may not be paid for not being allowed to go to work. (In 1995 they got back pay for the 27 days of shut down.)

Granted, this wouldn't affect me a whole lot besides boredom because: a. we don't live paycheck to paycheck, b. we've lived off Bob's paycheck since we got married, c. we don't have any payments to worry about (hooray for being debt free!). But most of my coworkers are not so blessed and are really worried.

I do find it annoying though. Besides the fact that the fiscal year starts in OCTOBER and they're only 5 months behind in doing their jobs. And if we're off work for longer than two weeks we can collect unemployment, which probably will cost the government more than passing a budget. Plus all the time it takes to make emergency plans in case they don't pass something in time; somebody has to keep the building heated, and the plants and bugs alive, and keep homeless people from sleeping in the lobby... it would be a mess.

Anyway, so here is my shameless plug for responsible citizenship. The House has two budget related bills that go to the Senate next week. You can contact your Senators through this link. You can contact your Representatives through this link. Tell them you want a responsible budget for this year, and for next year, fast.

Politics... *gag*....
Blessings.

In this world there's a whole lot of sorrow

And much death and dying all around. Bob and I have been to more visitations and funerals since we've been married than the whole of my life before.

Tuesday night we went to the visitation for my dear friend Ann. She was one of the few 'old ladies' in Washington and I always liked to talk to her. She was a sweet woman. I'm going to miss her.

We get to sing at a funeral in T-town this weekend... and there's another visitation/funeral in W-ton that we probably won't go to... ayiyiyiyi.

And it snowed again. Hooray.

O, I must be getting older...

I love three day weekends. They're amazing. Except that today feels like Monday, and I'll be all confused the rest of the week.

Saturday I was fairly productive for a change... I got up fairly early and went to quilt club... I usually make it to the last session at about 9:30 and it's pretty obvious that I've just rolled out of bed. Everybody else is dressed nice and has their 'face' on... haha... o well. :) And then I came home and made food for the rest of the weekend and cleaned. We went to Bob's aunt and uncle's for the annual potato supper Saturday night. It was so good, and I love it when all I have to bring is sauteed mushrooms. Two ingredients, 15 minutes, no leftovers.

Dale and Meg invited some of their old college friends and roomies over on Sunday night for supper. They got a pretty good turnout and it was really fun to see people again. I took mini-apple pies (I thought it would be fitting) that I baked in my muffin pan. I think I might have to do that more often, we have a hard time eating a whole pie before it starts getting moldy but these are a lot more manageable. It was good to catch up... and randomly throw things when the conversation lagged... some things never change. Which I love. There were five little kids there, which was a little weird, but funny to watch.

On Monday poor Bob had to get up and go to work, and I got to sit at home and be lazy all day. Well, other than doing laundry. And I managed to beat chess against the computer. Twice! I was very excited... we won't mention that it's on the easiest level... and how many tries it took me. *grin* So anyway, back to real life this week.

Blessings.

Valentine's Day

So after a lazy Saturday and spending Sunday evening with my family... back to work we went. Bob's training in the shop this week so he's getting up super early. I can't sleep through his alarm; therefore, I'm awake super early too. hooray.

I kind of forgot that it was Valentine's Day and wore black. haha... but... it did remind me of the time my roomies and I dressed in black and braved a massive snow storm to go to Olive Garden on V-day. Good times and many funny looks.

Bob didn't forget though, and he even remembered my rather broad and unsubtle hints a few weeks ago that I would love a big bunch of tulips. :D I'm so ready for spring. Anyway, these were waiting for me when I got home. So pretty. (Courtesy of Miss Fancy Plants, which I think is an awesome name for a flower shop.)


Neither of us had any desire to eat out with the entire world, so we stayed home. I made almond crusted halibut, and fun colorful spiral noodles, and green beans with extra butter. Butter always makes things seem more gourmet. Haha. I had big plans for making Valentine cookies, but as I said, I was super lazy on Saturday so they didn't happen. Thankfully, Sharon was on the ball and delivered some yummy pink cupcakes (sprinkles by Grace) so we even had a festive dessert. :)

Blessings.

Budgets

Since I'm sure you've all been following congressional budget proceedings very, very, closely... the White House released the numbers for FY2012.... since, you know, the budget for FY2011 is still up for debate. The gov't fiscal year runs October to October, and we're still operating under "continuing resolution." How can they even do that?

But anyway, some crazy numbers: Proposed USDA budget for 2012 is $145 Billion. Guess what 74% of that pays for. Nutrition assistance. Food stamps, WIC, free and reduced school lunches. One hundred and seven billion dollars to feed people.

Only 13% goes to farm and commodity programs. All that farm welfare that they talk about... mere pennies. :)

And near and dear to my heart, the Ag Research Service comes in at 6%. *grin* woot woot.

Not sure what I think about it all. I'm glad I live in a country where people don't starve unless they want to. And at the same time, something's broke if we're shelling out onehundredandsevenbillion dollars a year for people to buy chips and soda and frozen dinners. I worked at Lindy's... most food stamps get spent on expensive junk food. Not all, but most.

On that note, maybe we should all just sing "It's fun to work at the U-S-D-A" to the tune of the YMCA... hehe.... with hand motions.

Blessings.

It's cold, and it's getting colder...

The lab has been freezing this week. I almost need gloves to use my computer. Is it spring yet? Please? haha.

So.... the moment Bob has been waiting for and trying to talk me into for, oh, two years has finally arrived. We got a new laptop. My poor old lappy has just about had it. The hard drive is so full I can't download windows updates, it's rather prone to viruses, the screen flickers and would give me headaches, there's something wrong with where the power cord connects because it likes to switch back and forth between power sources, it was time to let it go.

Anyway, so we ordered one and it was supposed to come during the snowstorm. We *cough* Bob *cough* kept checking the tracking number online to see where it was... it was en route from Galesburg to Chicago... then it was back in Galesburg for a few days. It did finally show up on our doorstep (with two days worth of mail- apparently 'neither snow nor sleet' doesn't apply in T-town) last week. So I let it thaw out a bit and started it up and only half the screen lit up. The other half had a large black blob and flickery lines. It was very disappointing. And annoying because we had to package it up and send it back and wait rather impatiently for a replacement.

The new one works just fine so far and I like it a lot. In fact, I had shut it for the night and Bob wanted me to get back on and check something... and I was dragging my feet until I realized that, hey, it probably doesn't take 10 minutes to decide it wants to be on again. It took seconds. So amazing. :P I fell in love right then and there....

Tired and Sore

Story of our lives today...

We spent most of yesterday helping Rustin and Sharon unload their trailers... I showed up a little bit late because I needed an oil change. I went to a Speedlube, which are super handy but oh, so annoying. I realize I probably look pretty clueless, but I could change my oil myself given the proper equipment. Granted, I'm afraid of those service ramp thingies, so we'd have to have a pit... but still... I do keep an eye on my tire pressure and gauges and fluid levels and they talk at me like I'm an idiot. *sigh* O well. It's fast.

My car doesn't do deep snow well. I got stuck in R & S's driveway. And then it got even more stuck when Dan tried to get it out for me. Thankfully, Uncle Dean came to the rescue with his truck and a chain. I'm so glad I've got a hitch on the back of my car. Snow like this makes me miss the Tauri, that thing is a tank.

So as soon as that drama was over, I helped carry boxes. And more boxes. And more boxes. It was cold. We didn't get much unpacked for them, but we at least got the kitchen clear of Dan's stuff so they can put their stuff away. It makes me not want to move ever. (Yes, Bob did sigh in relief, haha.)

Grandma Beutel made supper for us all and then we went back to Bob's parent's for a little bit.

How do I know Bob is tired? Well.... I couldn't find my keys this morning. They weren't on the hook, or my purse, or my coat pocket, or in Bob's pockets, or on the dresser. No where. Bob unlocked the door with them last night when we got home, sooooo.... guess where I found them. Still stuck in the keyhole, outside our house. I'm glad we live in a small town. I wonder what the paper lady thought. :D It made me laugh.

Blessings.

Snow!

It's so pretty outside. :)

So, we were super social last weekend. We were invited to a deer supper at Dave and Joanna's with a fun mix of people from church on Friday. I really enjoyed it, and the food was really good. Saturday night we went to rotating potluck at Dave and Barb's. It was a girl heavy group, us, four yg girls, Aunt Karen, and Katy. So fun. We ended up staying really late.

I went to work on Monday. And haven't been back since. For whatever reason, the lab closes when ICC closes so three snow days for me!! Yay! I've mostly been a major lazy bum. We've spent a lot of time watching movies and eating chocolate chip cookies.

We started to shovel out our cars yesterday and a nice man with a 4020 and a loader bucket came to our rescue and got it done in about 10 minutes. So we helped our neighbors a little bit.

Rustin and Sharon have been stuck in Iowa City during the storm... they're hoping to make it here today finally. We're going to help them unload and stuff.... woot woot. :)

Blessings.